How to be a great girlfriend

If you are of a feminist nature please log off immediately and walk away…and don’t start reading this tongue-in-cheek guide to pleasing your man.

For some of us selfless beings, this is a very important topic. For others it is not, so my apologies for that. Okay, so how does one be the very best girlfriend she can be? Follow me. Right, well first of all an important fact must be established. In a relationship between a boy and a girl, that is, there is never a fair balance between the ‘give and take’ saying. Boys by virtue of their very nature are rather selfish. Therefore, if you’re in this for the long haul you must understand that key element. Be prepared to do a good 80% of the giving, and figure out the taking! If you are willing to get on board with this then here are a few helpful pointers.

First of all, be there for your boyfriend at all times, even if he is down in the dumps about something as silly as football! Just tune out and murmur something along the lines of ‘it was a fix, you’re the best on the team, you should play for Ireland’. Never feign an interest in the actual sport however-that’s imperative. They’ll see right through your façade immediately so be honest about it.

Secondly, if at all possible, make him dinner every once in a while. I don’t mean to sound sexist or like a wife from the 1950’s, but it’s small gestures like this that make all the difference, and think of his health! If you care about him at all surely you would prefer him to have a healthy wholesome meal instead of some noxious substance from a fast food joint. Speaking of joints, if he is inclined to smoke them, don’t try stop him; it’s not you who is poisoning your lungs now is it? If you are genuinely worried about his health however I would wait until you are at least a year together. Then you may have some legitimate ground to stand upon, tread carefully though! Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, always look your best! Unless you see him every minute of the day and night, if that’s the case then I appreciate that it is hard work and would be quite tiring. If on the other hand you don’t see him all the time, make sure you look extra pretty when you do. Wear bright colours and mix it up; never wear the same outfit twice in one week. In my opinion boys like clothes of a floral nature, perhaps its because they can’t wear it themselves and that’s why they like us too? Oh and throw in a corsage or two for good measure. At any rate, if you look flowery and feminine you can’t go far wrong! I am sure he will be worth all the hard work, otherwise you wouldn’t be with him! If he’s not and doesn’t appreciate your efforts then maybe lace that dinner with laxatives or something to that effect. Good luck!

by Valerie King